#eventually i'd like to clean this up and add a background and do a bit of...

[novantinuum]

tried my hand at some very rudimentary shapeshifting animation for some AU fic stuff :D

[bomberqueen17]

archway stencils

i keep forgetting to post about this. I did my archway stencils this past week!

[image description: looking through an orange archway, stenciled with turquoise stars in an alternating pattern, to see the deep teal wall stenciled with larger gold stars I did earlier]

progress shots and discussion under cut!

[image: the stencil, with a central eight-pointed star, and then the partial alternating star in the corners; the stencil is mounted diagonally so that the main star is centered on the archway trim, and there's a corner above and below]

I futzed around a little and this was the direction that worked. I'd thought about just doing that central element and repeating it freehand, but this was easier to line up..... but then to finish it, i would have to do TWO additional passes with the stencil, one on each side.

[image description: the archway in the background with the central element alternating with just the middle of the second element, as left behind by one pass of the stencil; I'm going to have to go back and fill in the sides of the second element. But in the foreground, I am holding my cat, because she insisted.]

I had Help. she wanted me to do this instead of paint. The whole time. She was incredibly persistent.

[image: the archway with one of my secondary passes complete, and the stencil stuck on diagonally showing how I have to separately fill in the left and right of each of the edge elements.]

I had experimented with just plopping the central element over this corner thing, and using that to fill in all the rest at once, but you see how the central element has long diamond-shaped "petals", but the other one has the shorter inward-pointing "petals" in the middle, and then longer petals on the sides? Yeah the longer petals are not shaped like the central element's, even though they look similar-- they are wider throughout. So to blend them with the half-petal deposited by the first pass of the stencil, it looks wonky as hell. And it does look better having a fully different element for every other star, instead of a blended sort-of-weird half-different one. So the long hard way it is; I went all the way down doing the left half then went to the other doorway and did the left half and then came back and did the right half, in totally separate passes, because you can see you have to tape the stencil down over the existing element, and if it were at all damp you're ripping paint off when you do that.

This stencil company does make specific border stencils for some of their designs, and I sort of thought this one was intended for that kind of use, but clearly it's not. I mean it worked fine so I'm not actually annoyed, but I did have to think about it a lot.

Some process notes: I did not use specialty stencil creme for this, I used my sample pot of a slightly lighter shade of the paint I used for the walls. it was semi-gloss because that's what they had for sample pots, and that worked out fine. I put it into the same plastic half-a-cannoli-box tray as before, and used the smaller stencil brush, and I did not really have to add drops of water, as the paint was less thick, but I had almost zero problem with bleeding-- all my problems were that I had to overlap the stencil while still damp and would sometimes get paint on the back of the stencil that then smudged onto bits I didn't want paint on. Paint also built up on the stencil really horribly because I was using it more intensively-- doing the whole wall it was kind of spread out over the huge stencil, but this was a single element. Being able to see through the stencil helped in positioning, so what I eventually wound up doing was that I would position the stencil, tape it down, wipe it clean with a rag, adjust the position, use it, move it to the next location, wipe it clean with a rag, repeat.

It was so hard to get the second element lined up-- you see how the "petal" is done in two pieces? well it never quite lined up and there was always a gap-- that eventually I pulled a plastic milk jug out of the recycling, traced the stencil on it, and cut out a stencil that was *just* a full copy of that half-petal mirrored so I could see if the stencil wasn't going to line up cleanly, I could just focus on lining up one of the petals, and leave the other blank and come back and add it with the standalone whole-petal homemade stencil. Good thing I'm a dab hand with an exacto.

[image description: a star stencil 3/4 complete, but the diagonal petals have gaps in the middle of them] Here's a problem example, and I was getting this on about half of them.

[image description: a piece of flat white plastic, an exacto knife, a cutting board, and a stencil element cut out of the white plastic.]

So instead I would rotate the stencil so one of the petals was good, and leave the other one off entirely to come back and do later.

[image description: looking from the living room through the stenciled archway to the kitchen, and this face of the archway is painted purple, and the wall is repainted to a consistent sunny yellow.]

I know that the most hinged thing to do would have been to just do all the trim orange, and then the wall yellow, and let it be, but I could not resist being fussy and doing the living-room-facing trim back in the living-room-trim purple color. I fortunately was able to find the original pots of paint from when we painted the living room, and it was still good!!!! (mixed in august of '07! amazing) so I repainted the living room wall where it was primer-white after the reconstruction. Looks pretty seamless now! But I have one more light switch faceplate to paint, it looks like. Hmmmmm what color.

The last thing I have left to do is the corner above the front door, where this newly-repainted yellow wall intersects with the wall above the front door that I decided should be kitchen-teal.

I could just do the corner as a flat normal transition. But I want to try to do something fancy, some kind of like pixel-dissolve or like, the stencil bits sticking into the other color, or something.

For now I've painted a cereal box and stuck it up there and I am going to put stenciled attempts on cardboard up there to see what they look like before I commit.

[image description: the corner above the front door of the house. the wall below is the kitchen wall and is teal. the wall above the archway is yellow because it's the living room. the wall above the door is not fully painted but is mostly kitchen teal. the corner is a cardboard cereal box painted yellow on one side and teal on the other, cut to fit.] it is an awkward junction! The most hinged thing would be to keep it simple-- would have been to just do all the trim orange and then the upper wall yellow and just make sure the corner was sharp and clean.

But I'm not that hinged, so I might as well do something that calls attention to it, LOL.

[pranilozabcufashion]

Lookbook - Front and Back Page

To start off creating this lookbook, I remember being told that we were allowed to rename the trend so after a bit of brainstorming I had decided to rename ”Grunge Romance” to “ Blood is a new Black” shortened to BITNB, as it is a spin-off of the phrase “____  is the New Black” meaning whatever word somebody starts off the phrase with it means it is the new chic or it is currently fashionable. I like this new name as it is memorable catchy and rolls off the tongue. 

I had also decided I had needed to find a font that appropriately represent this trend, so after looking online I had found a serif font called “Gothicus” In Adobe's own font library.  I like this font as it is obviously quite representative of the gothic subculture that is known for using Blackletter style/Old English script in calligraphy, and as Grunge Romance/ Blood is the New Black does take inspiration from the gothic subculture I thought this font would be great for this trend. 

After using the text tool on Photoshop  and selecting the gothicus font I had dragged out where I wanted my text to be and type out the trend name. I had also wanted an appropriate background As the front page of the lookbook would set the tone for the rest of the other pages, the front page of the lookbook should show the reader exactly what the trend is visually before they even start reading. I had gone online and found this fabric image, coincedentelly also called Grunge romance And how to use this as the background for my front and back page .

I had gone online and tried to find noise / grain details That would make the background more rugged and messy, as if it was quite old, As well as using the levels tool to change the darkness and lightness of the background enhancing certain details.  

Next, as the name of the trend is “Blood is a new Black” I had an idea where I wanted to add a blood-dripping effect to the text, this had taken quite a while as I had not found any short solution to this and had involved me turning the text into a PNG image, although eventually I had figured out and had achieved the result I was looking for. I had decided I had only wanted the blood dripping effect to be only on the word ”blood”  as it seemed right and it'd be more impactful and eye-catching for the front page of the lookbook. Next, I had wanted the rest of the text to stand out from the background so I had gone into the effects section of the text and added a drop shadow to the text so that the title doesn't seem flat against the background.

Going back to the blood dripping effect I had gone into the effects section,  and added a pattern overlay of water,  to make the blood seem more realistic in a way, I'd wanted this to be a subtle detail as if I had decreased the opacity the effect would show too much and the attention would be brought solely towards the word blood and ruin the rest of the page in my opinion.

My next step was to add some images of models that would represent the trend appropriately I'd found some on the WGSN website, under the Grunge Romance trend, as well as other sites. I had used the selection tool to highlight the model and use the vector mask tool to get rid of the background therefore only showing what I had selected with the selection tool, cleaned up any parts of the background that would shown by selecting the paintbrush, selecting the black colour, and selecting the vector mask and going over what parts I had wanted to be hidden. I plan to do this for all images and models that I want to use for the rest of this lookbook as it makes it easier to show/hide any parts of an image instead of selecting parts and deleting it, because if I had made a mistake and spotted it later, I would have to go back using the history section, therefore getting rid of any work I might have done after. After removing the background I had moved about and placed the images that I thought looked nice.

I had also used the Levels adjustment tool to change the mid-tones and undertones of the models as well to fit the theme of the trend which would be darker and sort of grittier as the original images were quite bright.

Before adding more images of models I had wanted to add something in the background so that it wasn't just a shade of red, so I had gone online and found a low-angle image of a church which I'd looked quite ominous and thought this would be perfect, so I had again used the vector mask tool and hid in the background of the image, lowered the opacity as to still show the details of the red fabric and placed it on one half of the double page spread, duplicated it and put it on the other side of the DPS so that it has a mirroring effect. I also decided to organise all my images into folders as to make finding certain images so that if I'd want to change anything in the future it wou;d be much easier and I'm not having to move about layers and getting confused about what goes where.

I found more images of models and clothing that I thought reflected the trend quite well, I used the levels tool for each image and made them each slightly darker but still made them stand out. I had again moved about and experimented with where I had wanted each image. Something that I had found quite useful while manipulating these images was while having the levels layer above an image that I'd wanted to change the brightness of, and selecting the Levels adjustment layer and pushing ALT In-between the levels and the image it would make it so that adjustment tool only affects that specific image, this would allow me to independently change the brightness of each image freely, which was extremely useful.

[lunarflux]

"i promised i'd forget, but you're all i see when i dream the night away"

bang chan x reader

genre — drama!au

suggested background music: x

note: like i said - i put a lot of my life into writing. something similar to this happened to me today, and i'd like to think that music is getting me through it. i wanted to add more of a "post credits" scene for chan and o/c, but this is how my day is going and how this situation ends.

The world never felt so heavy.

You'd never thought that scrolling through social media could create this bleeding ring in your ears, yet somehow here you are, unable to look at your phone. The photo you stumbled across had already been burned into your memory. There were times when you could forget what song you'd just listened to, and yet this one image had suddenly been burned, a permanent nightmare in your mind.

Your ex looked happy. It wasn't a bad breakup, but after a year, you couldn't expect him to stay single forever. You'd both agreed to move on, and while you swore you had, seeing the photo of him with a beautiful girl kissing his cheek made your shoulders heavy. Staring at your blacked out screen, it was like the photo was still there, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't keep yourself from seeing it. Every time you closed your eyes, there he was.

Happy.

You fumbled with your cell phone, placing it face down on your desk before your boss could catch you. It was hard to hide the look on your face. It was pain, sadness, and confusion. How was it that after all this time, you hadn't succeeded in moving on, but he had?

Was it you? Or was this girl really so special that you were worth forgetting?

The feeling of being forgotten - it's seeing the dust gather on photos and the doorknob that he will never open again.

It's over.

"Do you have the paperwork for the meeting tomorrow?" Chan popped into your office, placing a fresh mug of coffee on your desk. You'd started here only six months ago, but he already knew that you liked your coffee light and sweet. "Jisoo wants to make sure we're not missing anything before -"

"Yeah, I have it." You said curtly, looking back at your computer, typing away at your report. "I'll bring it to you later."

"I mean, I can wait for it if you have it ready."

"Chan," you looked up at him. "I said I'll bring it to you later."

Chan looked at you with mild concern. Sure, there were a lot of women in the office, and the men had eventually learned when not to step on toes in the case of any mood swings because of work stress. You weren't one of those people though. You were the type of person who'd rid the stress with a bar of chocolate and be done with it. You'd never snapped at him before.

"Okay." Chan backed out quietly. He ducked into the next office over. Knocking on Minki's office door, he peered in.

"Hey," Minki stood up. "I gotta bring these to the fourth floor, can you watch the phone for me?"

"Yeah, no problem." Chan smiled before taking a seat.

Ping

He knew that you and Minki were office best friends ever since you got hired. While he didn't mean to see it, Minki left his messenger open and slowly your messages came flooding in.

x: he moved on x: am i supposed to be upset? x: we broke up a year ago, so why do i feel so defeated haha x: maybe i'm just decomposing. why do i feel like this x: can we get drinks later? i know you hate it when i drink to drown out my sorrows, but i just can't be here right now.

Damn.

Chan swore he didn't mean to see all that. That would explain the mood though.

x: i didn't think i'd miss him this much. i just want to forget about it.

Taking in a deep breath, Chan pulled out his phone and made a call.

**

"Chan, why did you need me for this stupid client dinner? And who the hell has dinner at 4PM?" You continuously complained as he drove you down the road into the next district.

"Just relax, it'll be fine."

You rested your head against the passenger side window. As your breath fogged up the glass, you scribbled little hearts, peppered over the skyline as Chan drove. It wasn't until you started seeing signs that you realized you were at Banpo Bridge. Chan pulled into the empty parking lot.

"The client wants to have dinner here? What are we doing - getting takeout?" You jested.

Chan opened your door. "Go sit over there, I'll be right back."

You took your seat right by the edge of the water. The weather really was perfect today. The fresh air helped clear out your thoughts. Even though the breakup was a year ago, seeing that photo really made it feel like it just happened yesterday. Your heart broke twice, and yet you couldn't bring yourself to think that you hate him now. You loved him as a memory - a beautiful, happy memory, and it was time to let go now.

Chan re-emerged next to you, a bag with four bottles of soju and piping hot ramen in his hands.

"Um -" You nearly laughed at the sight of him struggling to carry everything. "Am I missing something? Are the clients your drinking buddies?"

"Sit, sit, please." Chan arranged everything down on the ledge.

"Not that I'm ungrateful, but I am confused."

"I, uh." He sat down next to you, removing his jacket. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

Stopping halfway from opening a bottle, you looked up at him.

"y/n, Minki had me watch over his desk, and I... I'm sorry, I saw your messages."

"Chan, that was private." You looked down at your shoes, feeling the heaviness in your chest again.

"I know. And I'm sorry." He grabbed the bottle from you and opened it himself. "Minki had to run to another meeting, and I saw how sad you were. I just figured I'd help you escape for a bit. I called in a favor from the interns to watch your stuff, so we could... do this, I guess."

You'd always known Chan was a softie. He was that guy in the office who never forgot about birthdays and important events. He was never late, and he would do everything he could to help out the new people. Even to you, he was a big help whenever you needed it.

"Again, I'm sorry." He poured two shots and handed you one. "But you looked like you needed it, so - cheers."

You watched him as you threw back your soju. You stifled a smile, "Pitiful, isn't it. Still feeling like you've been dumped even after an entire year."

Chan winced as the alcohol hit the back of his throat. "Not at all. Who said that a year was the right time to get over someone? There's no rule for that."

You continued to sip slowly, watching him open up all the snacks.

"I haven't had a girlfriend in years, and I swear, after my last girlfriend and I broke up, I couldn't stop thinking about her even because of the littlest things. It wasn't a bad breakup, but when you have so many happy moments with someone, you can't help but feel sad when you see that person making new moments with someone else. It makes you wonder if that could've been me, y'know?"

It couldn't be stopped. One deep breath and suddenly all the tears started pouring out. You couldn't control your breathing, and it felt like the weight of the world finally came crashing down on your chest, reminding you of every little happy memory that had to be released into the ocean like confetti.

Chan rushed over, placing his jacket on your shoulders. He hushed you, rubbing your arms to warm you up. Crouching down in front of you, he pulled you up and brought you into his chest.

"Wait, I'll get makeup on your shirt -"

He laughed at your childish worries. "It's just a shirt. Just go ahead, it's okay. I can get it dry-cleaned, and you're worth more than some shirt."

Feeling your tears soak up in the cotton, you just cried, and Chan let you until it felt like there was nothing left. You chest was still heaving, but you felt the weight lift slowly. The sea air started filling your lungs again like an icy burn.

"I'm sorry." You finally looked up, mascara stained on your cheeks. You smeared what you could from your face before sitting.

"Stop apologizing." Chan sat down beside you again. "Do you feel better?"

"A little."

Placing his hand on yours, Chan smiled. It was a warm gentle smile. He squeezed, "It will get better. I promise."

"I just feel like everyone keeps moving on, and I'm just stuck here."

"Where is 'here' to you? 'Here' to me is existing with a good job with good friends and a good life. 'Here' is anything you're doing happily without him." He reached up to cup your cheek. "I know you feel miserable, but your body won't let you feel this way forever. And neither will I. Please don't feel as if 'here' is an awful place. 'Here', you have me, and I'll stay until you're not sad anymore."

Peering up at him with red eyes, you smiled with whatever energy you had. Sadness still sat on your shoulders, but it didn't feel so awful anymore.

Chan nodded towards you.

"Until you're not sad or until you ask me to leave - I'll be here for you."

[anystalker707]

You wish (1/2)

Pairing: Frank Iero x [non-binary, afab] Reader Word counting: ~ 2 200 Genre: Enemies to lovers Summary: Reader is the only one who doesn't take Frank's shit, but all the bickering eventually turns into flirting.

Requested on Wattpad

A sigh escapes my lips as I finish cleaning the last glass and put it under the counter along with the others before setting the cloth aside. It's going to be a busy night because, apparently, a band is going to play in the club tonight and that usually brings a lot of people in. On the other hand, at least Mikey is helping me today – let's hope he doesn't fuck up with anything, but if he does, it's Gerard's problem and not mine, after all.

"Hello," a guy greets as sitting down on one of the stools.

I raise an eyebrow at him, glancing at his clothes; white, with a hand drawn black symbol on the shirt. Probably someone from the staff considering we haven't opened yet. The club is empty apart from me, the cleanse people and the ones putting the stage up. "Hi."

"A beer, please." He presses his lips together into a smile, watching me moving to grab what he asked, pouring the drink into a glass before I set it in front of him and throw the can away. "Thank you..." It's clear he wants to know my name, but I don't say anything, carrying on with my job, and proceed to clean the empty area of the counter. He frowns. "What's your name? Nice to meet you, I'm Frank."

"I'm just the one in charge of the bar," I reply simply. Giving attention to everyone isn't something very wise to do and something I didn't learn easily; most of the idiots sitting around the bar will just insult me in the moment I reject them or say gross things, so talks certainly should be avoided. Even if it isn't from a customer.

"Aw, you're not funny!" His words don't sound genuine tho, the disappointment is hidden under certain amusement. "'Bet you don't have many clients while acting like that!"

Cool, just like predicted. To be honest, getting rid of this stain here is more interesting.

"Hi, hi," Mikey greets and I glance back to see him walking in with a smile, "oh, hey, Frank! Didn't know you'd be the one playing here tonight!" He moves to next to Frank leaning his side against the counter. I observe them for a brief moment – so Mikey knows the punk, huh?

"Yeah," Frank replies excitedly, "Gerard could help us with it, so..." He shrugs, smiling. "Didn't know you work here, either."

"I don't," Mikey chuckles. "I just help here once in a while."

"Laze around, you mean," I add, glaring at Mikey. He gasps, widening his eyes, but I speak up before he's able to say anything. "Not to mention that your last time here costed us two glasses, you butter fingers. Thank hell Gerard is the only one to be scolded!"

"C'mon, you know how difficult it is to handle these," he groans. "You're just being annoying."

"And rude," Frank adds under his breath. "'Won't talk with me."

Mikey raises an eyebrow at Frank before chuckling. "Not surprising. I wouldn't talk with you either if you showed up like that, even more knowing how you can be—"

"Stop, you're supposed to be helping me!"

"(Y/n) is just this way, c'mon!" Mikey shrugs. "And you're annoying. I bet they were just doing their work." He glares, moving to serve Frank a can of soda this time after he pushed his glass forward while muttering something. I can't help but to glance at them with an amused smirk, having fun in watching how Frank shoots me a bitter look and Mikey is being suspiciously nice today.

"Cut off the sweet talk, Mikey," I say as approaching them, putting the cloth away for real this time. "I'll love you more if you work more. And you." I turn to Frank. "Yeah, you're annoying."

While Mikey chuckles, a long and dramatic whine comes from Frank. "You just met me! You're the annoying one! And even rude!"

"I don't go around attacking people for free, Frank." I shrug, leaning back against the counter with a sigh. "And insulting me because I didn't do what you wanted me to? What are you, five?" I hold back a chuckle, rolling my eyes. Part of what I'm doing is because I am not going to take his shit, but it is also entertaining seeing how Frank can react.

As predicted, the night ends up being quite agitated, but Mikey and I do have a break during the concert since people focus more on the music instead of getting drinks, what gives us the opportunity to pay attention to it too. It's a bit difficult seeing them – LeATHERMOUTH, that's the name – because of the low stage and huge crowd, in a way most of what I can see resumes itself to Frank jumping around like crazy, though he sometimes disappears in what I presume to be kneeling on the ground and my suppositions he has any sanity left are erased when I see him with the cable wrapped around his head. Cool.

Frank returns after the show is over, asking for a drink and, once again, using that shitty attitude that I do not take.

Through the time, Frank's band makes more shows in the club and, if it wasn't for Mikey there – consequently –, I probably wouldn't be sharing any word with him again. He is annoying. It is literally impossible to talk to him for longer than five seconds without being attacked and receiving a rude remark, even if it turns into some kind of weird flirting through the time.

I suppress a sharp sigh when seeing Frank approaching after another show came to an end – even so, it's still early in the night and another band took over when they left the stage.

"G'night, what d'you want?" Pete, who is also working in the bar today – because Mikey couldn't make it due to something related to Electric Century, if I'm not wrong –, is free and approaches Frank in the moment he takes a seat on a stool across the counter. Thank hell, maybe I don't have to deal with the dumbass today.

"I actually want (y/n) to fix me a drink, thank you," Frank replies without any pity and I need to hold back a chuckle at Pete's reaction; Frank smirks a bit as meeting my gaze.

Throwing the Cosmopolitan in the glass, I push it towards the woman, finally moving towards Frank. "Hey, rat, good concert. Would've been better if you weren't there." I grin, leaning forward on the counter with my hands on the edge of it.

"Very funny!" He rolls his eyes, twisting his mouth a bit. "I bet watching me performing would be the best part of your night if it actually wasn't talking with me."

"You wish, you're always counting the seconds to come here annoy me," I breathe, shaking my head. "Anyways, what do you want?"

"I'm actually not up for much alcohol today..." Frank hums thoughtful as looking at all the drinks behind me while placing his elbow over the counter and resting his cheek against his palm. "I was going for a Manhattan, but fix me a Spritz instead."

"As you wish," I mutter while moving to grab the bottles I need then coming back to prepare the drink.

"So, Mikey isn't here today?" Frank asks and I slowly nod in response.

"Yeah," I reply after a moment, having been focused on getting the right quantity of each drink in a way it isn't too bitter or too boozy, just as he likes it, "apparently he had something else to do, so we fixed someone else." I mix everything before throwing it inside a glass with ice, adding a rosemary branch for the looks, and push it towards him. "I needed to endure you moaning your ass off on that stage all by myself, unfortunately."

Frank snorts as taking the drink, shaking his head to himself. "Shut up, you wish you were the one to be making me moan like that." He takes a sip of the drink and raises his eyebrows lightly, quickly taking another sip of it.

I roll my eyes, not worrying if my reaction is dramatic as I pretend to gag. "I actually wish I was the one wrapping the cable around your neck, y'know?"

"Aw, babe," Frank groans, looking up at me from under his eyelashes, "I'd love that."

The words set a silence between us for a moment, in which I glare at Frank with disbelief and he's got that fake innocent look on, batting his eyelashes while looking at me. His look gives me this weird feeling in my chest, but I look away before I can identify whether it's good or bad, cursing under my breath at the same time he starts laughing.

"You're terrible," I tell Frank, moving away once seeing a guy taking a seat.

"A Paloma, please," the guy asks and I nod, moving to do as asked.

"I'm the best, actually," Frank replies in his usual smug tone and I can't help but to laugh, sarcastically agreeing.

"Here." I hand the guy his drink, sighing as moving to take a few empty glasses away from the counter and hand it to Pete so he can go clean them.

"Thank you, baby." The guy winks at me and here we go again. I ignore him. "What's your name? You a cutie, aren't yah? When is your shift over? Maybe I could take you home," he insists, but his words just turn into a background noise that I try to ignore as moving to the back to put away the bottles I've used. "Oh, you gonna play it difficult? 'Bet you—"

"Can you please leave them alone?" Frank's voice cuts in and I need to glance back to make sure I'm not making things up and there is Frank, glaring at the guy. "C'mon, man, if they're not giving you attention, that's a no. Accept it nicely and don't make it obvious how frustrated with yourself you are."

"Who even do you think you are?" The guy retorts bitterly.

"I'm just—"

"Y'know what, I'm not coming here anymore," the guy grumbles to himself and just downs the drink before he stands up and disappears among the crowd. Frank and I share a confused look before shrugging.

"Thank you, I guess," I sigh as walking back to Frank, leaning on the counter with my forearms over it and we're about the same level. I observe him for a moment, thinking about what he did, and there's this feeling in my stomach again. Butterflies? No, no, no. Not for him. I try my best to not let him know about what's going in my mind, not looking away from him.

"Don't worry." He smirks and that's just Frank. He's always smug and convinced of himself, not afraid of saying what he thinks or feels. What an idiot. For real, I like it. "You deserved it."

"Honestly, I don't know how to react," I confess, "because, since we met, it's been sounding like you're going to throw me from a cliff in the moment you have the opportunity to."

"I'm not like that, (y/n)," he breathes, eyes drifting down for a second as he bites back an awkward smile. "I, um— You're actually really nice. I just like fucking around with you." He shrugs and looks down at his glass, playing a bit with the remaining ice cubes. I keep observing him, not replying, so he looks at me again, raising an eyebrow.

Y'know what? Fuck it.

I glance down at Frank's lips and a red tone immediately takes over his cheeks with it, but I just lean in and am actually surprised by him meeting me halfway. I can still taste the Spritz on his lips, faintly, what ends up irrelevant under how nice and surprisingly soft they feel against mine. His mustache brushes lightly against the skin under my nose, tickling it, something I try to ignore as cupping his face and deepening the kiss as he places his hand over mine.

There's this feeling in my stomach again, followed by a nice tingling sensation that goes down my spine while a warm sensation fills my chest. Okay; it feels right, for once.

"I'm driving you home," Frank mutters against my lips, a bit breathless, just like me.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." I smirk a bit as we gaze at each other for a moment and I'm not sure about what'd happen next, but we are interrupted by Pete before I can find out. Idiot.

"Stop making out and go back to work, (y/n)," he calls from the other side of the bar and I sigh heavily, rolling my eyes as I move towards the couple who just approached the counter. "I'm going to tell Mikey about it!"

"You are not going to tell Mikey!" I glare at Pete before turning to the couple, asking what they want and quickly putting myself to prepare the two Martinis.

______

Part 2

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful